January 2026

What a year this month was.

With the new year, I wanted to try and keep record of each month, put wild thoughts and nuanced situations into words I could revisit later, track my journey, see which patterns repeat and what new elements are added. A form of a newsletter from me to me -mainly- but without the anxiety of pressing 'Sent' on the 1st of each month.

And so I begin with January and its never-ending journey towards a great unknown that was anything but funny-scary.

There was great silence, a kind of stasis unfamiliar yet known, unnerving in its presence, yet terrifying were it to disappear. A transition, a swift. So much happened in that span of 31 days, each one an aeon in its own right. And yet, nothing happened at all.

I tried to make some big decisions in January, only to find I didn't have the mental capacity for any of them. Tried being the keyword here. I admit I failed miserably. I'd hoped it would be the month I put my thoughts in order, and my feet on the ground, begin accepting responsibilities I abandoned in November, waiting for that 'New Year clarity' I so desperately needed. Joke's on me, I suppose.

One foot in front of the other, I began traversing this great uncertainty in my mind, willing spirit and mind to dispel the fog. I knew the strong part of me, the one capable of enduring and persisting and rising victorious above any situation was somewhere up ahead. If only my eyes could find it...

Admitting you have to do the ugly thing first, the one you have catalogued in your mind as a last desperate measure, is suffocating. Especially if you have done it before in the past, and were left to deal with the consequences later. We all have that one ugly thing. It has different names, wears different faces, but definitely likes its coffee black and bitter, like the taste it leaves in your mouth every time you talk about it.

As a child, I never imagined a life where I was stuck in a desk, piles of documents spreading around me and a screen my only constant companion, until the clock striked noon and I was freed from the nightmare that was the office. It seemed a fate worse than death. As an adult, I wish for nothing more than that hellish desk. A 9 to 5 the ideal scenario, a day spent without the need of interacting with a single customer, and even better, a whole 8 hours of me alone with my work, spared from unnecessary, fake interactions with coworkers. I used to deeply love people. Now I try my best to avoid them.

I have come to realise I no longer have that strong stomach I was so proud of in my early adulthood. People drain me faster than any wound ever could, as all reason and common sense seem to be a luxury most can't afford when the shift starts. I used to be able to endure so much of it...

It is disheartening to hear people my age repeat the same words as me, laced with different poisons, distiled from vastly different experiences. There is something comforting about it, too. I am not alone in my desperation and stasis. If there is such thing as 'failing the adult life', at least I am not failing alone. A little selfish of me to think this way, I know. But I can't help it.

The question is, when will those 8 hours begin to feel like something more than a noose around my neck? 'It takes time', sure, but when does that time come? What is it waiting for?

As much confusion as this month brought, it also brought an unexpected wave of creativity.

(in which I share my writing progress)

I made progress in both Writer's Friday and my main WIP this month.

Well, 'progress' isn't the word I'd use for Writer's Friday, but I did write 2 short storie,s and I enjoyed the process so much! (if you don't know what I'm talking about, here's the related post) From writing and editing the stories, to coming up with new graphics that captured the vibes I had in mind, the whole creative process was as relaxing and entertaining as I'd hoped it be.

I started Writer's Friday as a way to boost my creative flow, and it worked! I wrote more words this month than I had in the past two. I don't mind that the final word count is shared among projects; I just love getting back to writing.

Feel free to read them here:

Writer's Friday, Week 3

Read here

Writer's Friday, Week 4

Read Here

In the Sirens' WIP (which I plan to properly introduce by the end of the month), I had a breakthrough!

I am currently writing Act 2, and I do have all of my major events figured out. What I was really struggling with these past couple of months was putting them in an order that made sense.

'But isn't that, like, the most crucial thing for a story? To have good continuity? Shouldn't you have that figured out before you started writing?'

Well, yes, thank you for noticing... I will talk about this more once I introduce the WIP, but for now, let's just say that the chaos of not knowing what comes next is what keeps my brain interested in this story.

So, I finally managed to put the events of Act 2 in order and write some of the scenes that move the main plot forward. There is such joy in being aware of how everything ties together in the end and watching these characters absolutely smash the obstacles I throw at them! A newfound feeling for sure, and an excellent one at that.

So now we have 2 chapters and a scene added to the story.

(in which I recap what I read, watched, witnessed this month)

Attack On TItan has an absolutely heart-wrenching experience. I had just entered junior high when it premiered and followed the story for a whole decade. I get a little attached to stories like this, those that shaped my teenage years, and for many reasons, I couldn't part with those characters when the finale finally came out in 2023. So, I sat my friend and me down mid-month and decided to just rip off the band-aid. Tears stained my shirt for two hours straight, but it was so worth it. 10/10

I finished Stranger Things S5, and I kind of have mixed feelings about it. The ending was satisfactory to a point, but not in the thrilling way I had hoped for. It's a solid 7/10 for me, if only for that last scene.

Bungou No Stray Dogs is an anime I first watched back in 2016, when the 1st season came out. After that, I completely forgot it existed, and not because it wasn't an interesting one. A friend mentioned it a while ago, and I got the urge to catch up to 5 seasons and a movie in a month. Absolutely worth it! I had forgotten how incredible the characters and the plot were. Recent news claim the manga finishes this spring, so I hope season 6 will not fall far behind. 8/10

As far as reading goes, I finished my first book of the year. Critical Role: What Doesn't Break is the backstory of Laudna, a main character from campaign 3. My favourite one, to be precise. Absolutely loved every page, although I imagine it might not be the same experience for someone who isn't familiar with the dnd campaign and the lore of the world the story takes place in. For me, however, it was a very funny-scary read! 4.5/5

Thank you for reading this far, and I hope January was kind to you. Let's see what the next month brings!